Devoid of Content

Be warned: this contains no real content. No bugs will be addressed, no problems discussed -- its just an observation (besides if [DV] Humongous can discuss the metaphysics of sock puppets, I figure anything goes)  

I offer a slice of life on server newjersey1 (the proverbial B.F.E. of servers)  

You find your self overjoyed that it's PINGing at 180-250 so you jump on for a game, only to realize there aren't any. No problem, you think, I'll just host one myself: so you pick some map your nostalgic for like Suburbia or something you haven't tried like Elim. Center; But alas -- no one ever shows for your shin-dig.  

...Then you change to Air Base...  

And blam! already a hit. It's usually some guy in a Manta named PALADIN, E-RACER or something else that just screams NEWBIE. He lethargically putters around and occasionally starfes you with all four of his 50 cals. You try to get him to sit and listen for a minute, but you never get that chance, because right then, UTENSIL [DOA] shows up in his Clydesdale straight from the dairy section (probably 3 morts, 30mm and fire dropper) and dogs the crapola out of you. Suddenly you're in a pensive state of mind -- NEWBIE won't let up on you, because your the first person he saw, and UTENSIL is out for blood in his vehicle that brought him glory in I-76 of old -- and he knows you're the vet. That's when you get crafty -- you start striking and fading, juggling your attention between the two, until you finally .45 NEWBIE (a mercy killing really) and he says something like: 'YOU MADE MY CAR HONK...HOW DID YOU DO THAT?' but you never get to answer because UTENSIL is right there, firing more projectiles than were ever fired in WWII, leveling practically every building near the tarmac, mortaring himself in the process. And all this time there's been some guy named ZXCVBNM, off in the distance -- the only reason you know he's there is because he crashes every ten seconds -- that's right before he exits the game! Taking your cue from ZXCVBNM, you decide to leave and see what's buzzing on california3.  

-- please don't hurt me for this  

-- Aquila